I thought that I could handle talking to her.  But the fact is, I'm really not sure that I can.  Not because I want her back, not because I still love her, none of that. I get so angry when I hear her.  I'm happy, I'm fine, I am in a perfect state when she's not around.  Two weeks without hearing anything from her was weird.  It was great, because I didn't have to worry about her saying something that was going to hurt me.  I didn't have to worry about "I wonder what she's doing".  I learned alot about my feelings within those two weeks and now that she broke the chain and gave me that line, I can't help but feel like I am right back at square one.  She knows which buttons to push, and she pushes them.  She knows how to get under my skin and she's always there.  She's made damn sure that I won't ever forget her.  I just don't think that the things I'm going to remember her for are the things she wants me to think about.  MMM , you r an interesting person.  It's hard as hell to resist u, it's hard not to talk to you.  I wanted to talk to you today, but I knew that if I did, I would get that nervous sick feeling that I always get.  And I would ask "what if?"  I still find myself asking that question, but I don't feel bad about it.  I would start to wish things were different, and I find that if I just ignore the circumstances, then I'm fine.  I'm sorry that it takes shutting you out to make my life normal again, but if that's what I have to do, then that's what I have to do.  Is that not what you told me before?  Yea mmm it'as like that.  I can remember you saying it as if it had happened five minutes ago.  You know that you're always with me, and you know I'll always be there, but should you take my heart again, its not fair....

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